31 Days of Liminality

When Your Mother Country Despises You

I am in an abusive relationship with my mother country. I’ve become so numb to the impact of American racism that I was unaware that it is basically a diagnosis.

We’re Trauma Bonded.

A friend and practicing therapist talks about trauma bonds, which occur in toxic relationships. Trauma bonds are strengthened by inconsistent positive reinforcement, making the victim a “hope junkie” of the worst sort.

Damn. A Hope Junkie. How Sad.

The abuser dangles hope, in the guise of full citizenship, constitutional liberties, freedom, but in the words of Jill Scott, “you (America) lie to me repeatedly.”

Mommy’s Girls

Adding insult to injury, members of the dominant culture, “mommy’s favorites,” tell you to “go slow,” “be patient,” or worse, accuse you of harming them when they’re trying to advocate on your behalf.

Its Exhausting.

I told a girlfriend lately,

I’m over y’all’s lil crazy-ass white girls, the tears, the Jesus-flinging, the finger-wagging. Allies my ass.

~me

I Will Not Suffer Silently.

I’m over white tears. “White tears” refer to microaggressive practices associated with manipulating difficult interactions by catching feelings.

Once again, it’s not about our pain, but the expectation that we will, as usual, bear someone else’s perceived burden, or soothe their hurt at being called out.

I ain’t mammy. I don’t care about your tears. I’ve been suffering in silence for so long that I’ve forgotten how to complain. Self-care is Black Liberation Theology.

I choose me. I am honoring the God in me, and She is pleased.

The 23^rd Psalm by Bobby McFerrin

The Lord is my Shepard, I have all I need,
She makes me lie down in green meadows,
Beside the still waters, She will lead.

She restores my soul, She rights my wrongs,
She leads me in a path of good things,
And fills my heart with songs.

Even though I walk, through a dark & dreary land,
There is nothing that can shake me,
She has said She won’t forsake me,
I’m in her hand.

She sets a table before me, in the presence of my foes,
She anoints my head with oil,
And my cup overflows.

Surely, surely goodness & kindness will follow me,
All the days of my life,
And I will live in her house,
Forever, forever & ever.

Glory be to our Mother, & Daughter,
And to the Holy of Holies,
As it was in the beginning, is now & ever shall be,
World, without end,

Amen