Anger-Prone, Pandemic-Fatigued, and Trauma-Bonded
America, part of me HATES you right now. 20 months of lock-down and semi-isolation, greater socio-political division than I’ve ever remembered, crises everywhere…and I finally hit my wall. Therapists tell us that extended periods of confinement carry heavy consequences, including “increased difficulties in regulating emotions, episodes of anger or increased irritability…difficulties in following instructions, oppositional behaviour, increased fear and difficulties in eating and sleeping.”
I AM PRONE TO ANGER
Having read about being prone to anger, I promptly apologized to My Beloved; poor dear, he’s been living with the troll from under the bridge. Without excusing my behavior, I apologized, took responsibility, and promised to do better. The reality is…I am impaired.
PEACE? NOT SO MUCH.
Overstimulated. Under-rested. Extremely fatigued. Emotionally wrought, and it’s one day from Sabbath.
I just returned from 4 days of business travel, to a hot zone where it appears that residents have decided that if the ignore the global pandemic, perhaps it will go away. Upon my return, I proactively took a COVID-19 rapid test, and though I felt no symptoms, I was calm. When later an email announced to all attendees that there had been exposure to a positive case during my stay, I’d already received my negative result.
MY EYES ARE WATCHING GOD.
I am grateful for my restful state. Because I am yielded, I have experienced that peace passing all understanding. Even when things should be on fire, I am calm.
When this morning I was beside my son as he was driving and profiled, pulled over, I was able to deescalate the situation because the failure to renew the registration was mine; and I rectified it in the car. America, we are trauma bonded, and this outcome could have been worse. But I yielded to watch God move.
AND GOD DID
That’s why my son invited me to ride with him this morning. God calling upon me to say…yes.
That’s why I was calm and able to call out the violation to the officer, who, recognizing that we were residents and that our son was certainly not worthy of any escalation, and his Mom was in the passenger seat…God calling upon me to yield, say yes, and watch.
THIS MORNING, MY SON AND I WERE SHELTERED UNDER THE WING OF THE ALMIGHTY.
Sheltered is Good.
Stilled is Beautiful.
May I rest here.
Move, God. I am watching. I am yielded…and at rest.