Learning to surrender, yet again

Teach them to do everything I have commanded you. “And remember that I am always with you until the end of time.”

Matthew 28:20 (GWT)

I am grateful for my faith, even when its lessons are beyond my control; even when it feels that my entire life is beyond my control. I frequently need to remind myself that I know nothing.

Control is the lesson. Not taking it, but rather, letting it go. This is not a lesson I like.

As Karen Clark Sheard sings “God is here” as I am reminded that “HERE” is not a place of which I am particularly fond. (That’s not what she means when she’s singing, but I bring my baggage to the listening. It is what it is…)

A wise mentor and dear friend challenged me to write on this…

“Where we’ve been is not where we are, and where we are is not where we’ll be…”

What is clear during this season is this….wherever I am right now, wherever HERE is, this is not my final destination. I am on the path between where I’ve been and where I’ll be-and for now, I don’t like it. Whether I like it, God cares not. That said, there is a praise–this is not my endpoint.

I am however, quietly, soberly, losing my mind.

I had to stop writing because I was getting caught up in the words. If I am going to surrender, I just have to do it. Let go. Stop.

breathe

That is not the end of the lesson. Being broken focuses my attention. It positions me to hear and receive the words of this song …letting me know that being here was okay…

O come and lay down the burdens you have carried
For in the sanctuary God is here.
He is here, He is here
To break the yoke and lift the heavy burden
He is here, He is here
To heal the hopeless heart and bless the broken.
O come and lay down the burdens you have carried
For in the sanctuary God is here

God is here, by Martha Munizzi

God keeps sending reminders that it is already okay. He’s been around for all my Here. I remember reading, “don’t confuse your path with your destination. Just because it’s stormy now doesn’t mean you aren’t headed for sunshine” reminding me again that being here was okay. Whether I like it or not.

Once upon a time I read, “Surrender can be the sweetest thing. Practice surrender and let the Universe do its work.” The unknown author of this piece of wisdom didn’t write it for me. When I collected it to ponder over and unpack later I didn’t know when or how desperately I’d need it, but Thank You, Lord. You knew I’d get here. More importantly, You knew I’d run weeping into Your arms because You’ve been Here all the time. Surrender may be sweet, but is ain’t easy. Not for me, at least.

I’d be lying if I said I’m grateful for another surrender. I’d be lying if I said I’m grateful for the lesson. It’s neither my choice nor my option. I don’t have to like what I must endure. I imagine I don’t mind falling when the lesson is “you will get up.” I imagine I don’t mind falling when He’s already told me, “lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Whether I mind or not, the lesson remains the same.

here

So, during this time, I will be more careful, more gentle with myself during this time. Careful to mind my words and manage my energy. To measure twice and cut once with my mouth and with my heart. In so doing I will live on what my wise and wonderful mother said to me some years ago (but remains true and hopeful)…”we are standing on Holy Ground even when we move, because God is here.”

And finally, evidence of my #Evolution. I resist less.

 

 

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