If I’m being honest, I have trust issues with God. I had an enlightening conversation with a colleague yesterday about the unconditional love of parenting. Our children test us most because their faith in our love and fidelity is absolute. That describes my relationship with God.
You’d Think I’d Know Better
Because I know that God is faithful, that God’s love is unyielding, I test it all the time. it takes me forever to submit to uncertainty. I know that God is sovereign, but nothing frightens me more than the notion of taking my hands off the wheel.
Sadly, it’s never pretty, but honestly, who wants to get there like that? How much better to surrender gently, to say, God, I offer my all before you, than to be dragged? You’d think I’d know better by now.
I’ve said so many times, it is at the point of my exhaustion, the point of my emptiness, that God does the best work in my life. I am to tired to get out of the way. When I yield, spectacularly, the miracles happen.
I Don’t. (Know Better, that is)
During periods of intense stress, when I appear to be capably holding it together, I seem physically invincible. I take rest, eat well, exercise. No matter how gracefully I manage under pressure, when the pressure gives way, I usually give out.
You’d think at my age I’d be smarter about this, or at least learn to recognize the signs, but I never seem to remember until it’s much too late. Today, my declaration in prayer is,
Fair warning, the winds will calm and whatever the “this is,” shall pass. Feel free to remind me next time you see me struggling?