Until recently, I would get upset with people for not appreciating the knots I insisted on tying myself into on their behalf.
Ma’am, Who Asked You To?
I was socialized to self-sacrifice. I would give, expecting balance. Not quid pro quo, but certainly not what I got. What I received in response was entitlement.
Additionally, I received resentment or disappointment when my pitcher no longer poured.
REALLY ??
“But I did this all for you!”
Nobody asked you to…
But what about me?
What about you…
Then I Got Angry.
We don’t properly value anger. Anger is not bad. Jesus got angry.
“In fact, there are things in this world that should make us angry. We should be outraged by injustices, violence, greed, poverty, and death that run rampant all around us. That should stir up an anger deep within us because it’s just not right. That anger is good; it’s a righteous anger. It’s the same anger that God feels when he sees the evil that is so pervasive in the world.”
6 Times Jesus Got Angry https://www.rethinknow.org/what-made-jesus-mad/
I’m not accusing my loved ones of being evil. I’m accusing them of being human. I’m accusing myself of being a martyr and a fool.
But Even Fools Can Learn.
I started giving myself permission. I started treating myself the gentle way I treated my loved ones.
We Do Not Treat Ourselves Like Loved Ones
But Even Fools Can Learn.
I have begun treasuring myself, in all my liminality.
Good God, it is a beautiful thing to be loved. Ephesians 5:1 encourages us to be “imitators of God…and to live in love.”
My lesson? Practice on yourself.
Chelle A Wilson 